...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize