There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
