i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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