you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
