It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize