Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
