I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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