I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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