You smell like a Billy Joel song
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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