i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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