Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
