Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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