Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
