saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You are the jesus of drinking
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize