if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
