So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
foreskin is a definite game changer
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
