he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
