As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
