i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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