when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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