Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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