someone get that fucking seahorse.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize