nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
