True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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