Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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