I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
