i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
