Jerry, you need to find god
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
