I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
