Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
