I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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