can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize