Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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