Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
