Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
