he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
