my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize