Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
