I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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