dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I enjoy the company of your penis
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
