Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
