Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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