dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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