so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize