Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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