First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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