I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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