just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
