I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
