EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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