I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
