Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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