when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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