Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
