if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
