I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize