he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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