he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Drake has all the answers
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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