Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
