This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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