On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This baby is an asshole
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize