No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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