I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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