It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
