I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
