You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
