Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
