I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
