Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
